Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I've Been Affected

In order to keep my sanity and offer amusement to the world (i.e. the 3 people reading this blog), I have decided to chronicle my experiences being laid off in 2009 with a resume full of great experiences and accomplishments in jobs that are the first to be cut when the economy tanks.

How it went down:
I work from home so I dialed into a conference call with a choked up CEO telling us we have to make cuts.

The call ended at 11:15. If we got a call by 1pm we were out. I was one of 5 National Sales people, my job is safe, I thought. I mean you always have to sell right? And it's a big country for 5 of us to cover. My phone rang at 11:50am.

I love HR formalities. Every call had to have two people on it for witness purposes. When they called me and I was introduced to the other co-worker I had a brief moment of hope - maybe I was serving as the witness for the other guy's lay off call! Er, not so much...

I was told I was "affected". I was a little worried I had a rash I didn't know about but after a quick inspection I realized I was laid off.

Meanwhile, just to give you a sense of how my life usually goes, and why this may be amusing to read over your daily morning coffee...

I was in my kitchen. I had made a giant vat of sauce. I had the genius idea to put the sauce in ziploc bags. I decided to do this during the conference call to multitask (note: we did not know the topic of the call beforehand). So as I am hearing I am probably losing my VP level, nice salary job, I am transferring bags of sauce to the freezer. And 4 bags explode. So while I am waiting for my call, I am taking apart my freezer and covered in sauce from head to toe. Took me about 2 hours to clean it all up. But now I have pasta dinners during my unemployment.

And I realized, as I was scrubbing on my hands and knees, that no job is beneath me. I could tend bar again for awhile. I scrub well. I know how to make a margarita. All will be good.

So we ended the day, those of us "affected", at a bar drinking heavily. Note: Lots of people buy you drinks if you announce you've been laid off. There are hundreds of bars in DC I figure I have a few months to work this schtick and get free drinks.

Today, DAY 1 - My sales training is kicking in. I basically just got a big fat NO and the next step is to make a list of opportunities and a plan to go after them like a good little salesperson.

Today's Activities:
Buy a laptop, up the minutes on my cell phone plan, make Dr appointments before insurance runs out, apply for unemployment (I am sure that will be a whole experience to blog about), go to coffee shop and edit a few resume versions - 1. sales, 2. restaurant, 3. dumbed down version just in case. Go to a networking event.

1 comment:

  1. at least you weren't "effected". There is nothing worse than a pink slip with incorrect grammar. Don't worry, if I know you you'll be up in running again before you can say "severance".