Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Adventures at the DMV

I just finally went to get my license in NC. You have to take a written test. If you get 6 wrong you fail. 

I dont want to talk about it except that the trip ended with me telling at some civil servant all dressed up like a little soldier in a "DMV Examiner" Uniform:

"I have an MBA....seriously?"

Uniformed lady laughed at me. I think the guy who didn't speak English next to me passed. 

Most of the questions are common sense but they throw in a  few doozies just to confuse you. 

What Percentage of highway deaths are cause by alcohol?


I didn't know if it was 67% or 38% (its 38% by the way, seemed low to me). What does that have to do with getting a license? We all know its wrong and dangerous to drink and drive - does knowing the percentage make any difference? 

"I want a another beer but I'm driving. Hmmm, only 38% of deaths are caused by alcohol...well, those are good odds, gimme a Bud"

So here I am reading the manual...I have learned:
  • You should not attempt to shave while driving... 
  • "Exemptions to the seat belt law: A driver or occupant with a professionally certified mental phobia against the wearing of vehicle restraints"
  • There is actually a statute for this down here: "Law on Transporting Children in the Back of a Pick-up Truck". You 'd think it'd be illegal...NOPE:
    • "The statute does, however, contain some exemptions. The provisions for proper securement of children do not apply: If an adult is present in the bed or cargo area of the vehicle and is supervising the child..."
  • When trying to pass a vehicle the manual advises you to BLOW THE HORN. What? 
    • "Blow the horn to signal the driver ahead. The horn signal places the driver of the vehicle you are passing under a legal obligation to help you pass."
    • I never knew this....I thought blowing the horn gave the driver a legal obligation to show you their middle finger...? 

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

Last year I wrote a Father's Day blog to dad and now its time to recognize Mom, Giuseppa (yes, they have matching names, Dad is Giuseppe) who had to suffer through more of my day to day teen-aged petulance.

I liken my mom to a mother bear who would tear apart anyone who even looked the wrong way at her cubs. 100% self sacrificing and generous, always putting us kids first. Until she couldn't work anymore due to carpal tunnel mom worked nights in a pocket book factory.  She was terrified of that nighttime drive she did it for years for us kids.

Mom calls me every Sunday and we generally repeat this conversation:
"Alo Melina, whadda u do?"
     "Not much, Mom"
"Did you make yourself somethig to eat?" (all important info she needed to know each week)
     "Yes, Mom, Im all set on the food front, what are you doing?" 
"Na thinga, watcha TV"

My friends growing up still tell stories about calling my house. Here is a listing of typical phone responses to my friends calling when I wasnt home:

"Carmella no home, she kicka da ball"  Translation - I am at soccer practice
"Carmella on de ice" - I am skiing
"Carmella in da bed"- I am sleeping

I had 2 friends named Amy/Aimee. One tall, one short. Here is what would happen when they called:
"Hi Mrs Alvaro is Carmella home, this is Amy"
"Carmella no home. Who dis? bigga amy or little aimee?" (trying to distinguish between the taller of two)

My teenage self used to battle mom cause she wouldn't let me do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G (insert teenage eye rolling here) - no sleepovers, no hanging out with people she didn't know, no sports, etc...I used to think they were boring and not adventurous back then.

Message to my 16 year old self - "Hey Dummy, think back to 1970 - Mom leaves everything she knows, drags two little kids and stuffs all of her belongings into a couple of suitcases and takes a boat across an ocean to place she doesn't speak the language, away from a village of 2,000 to what was then a booming and growing city of 220,000* at the ripe old age of 26 for a better life for her kids ("baby ooops", aka me, arrives 6 years later). You thought you were adventurous at 28 cause you made it to CO on your own until you realized you didn't like being so far away from home that even though you didn't move back home you moved to within a 6 hour car ride as your security blanket...Mom was pretty cool, you ingrate."

Here is a fuzzy pix of mom at 31 years old, with my brother and sister and me, the screaming little ingrate...I guess back in 1976 they made chintzy little medals out of family pictures....

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

*Syracuse was booming in 1970 - that was the highest population in it's history. Sadly, in 2007 Syracuse was #23 of the top 25 cities in terms of population lost. The manufacturing jobs are gone. Syracuse was a booming factory town in 1970 - GE,  GM, Chrysler, Carrier, Syracuse China - just some off the top of my head that have closed up. 

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A post with no real point

I turned 34 about 10 days ago. Whoop.  

Like me, my blog isn't sure what it wants to be when it grows up. I've ditched the political commentary for now though reserve the right for an occasional tirade, plus a lot doesn't really happen to me these days - my commute is 25 feet, and sometimes I just want to post all the fun things I cook but don't want to be just another cooking blog.

While me and my blog figure out our future, here are some wise thoughts that crossed through my brain on my birthday week:

Why do I still get zits on my forehead? I am 34, have negotiated deals with executives at Fortune 500 companies, and have a mortgage. I should not also still have teen-aged acne issues in the form of the big dipper on my forehead. 

Dear God, I don't ask for much. Well, I have been asking for a boyfriend without issues for the last decade or so but since that has fallen on deaf ears, please strike dead the songbird that chirps at jet plane decibel from the branch right outside my window every morning from 6am to 7am. Or let it mate already so it shuts up, please.

Does this office chair have an eject button?

I hope my ovaries aren't shriveling like raisins in the sun at this point

Instead of reading comedy sites or blogs for amusement I like to scan Craigslist personals because THAT is where the real humor on the web is. Like this guy:
"Looking for lady with huge breast - 33"
This guy doesnt ask for much. He justs wants one breast is all, as long as its huge of course...

That is all the sage words I have right now after 34 years.