Emphasis on "rear"...
So now that I work from home I am becoming a Jimmy Stewart'esque voyeur outside my rear window which looks over the condo parking lot. See Pix.
Here is my standard view out my home office window:
Two incidents I witnessed in the last 3 weeks from said window:
Story #1. Too Much Chili?
Sorry for the potty humor. I was sitting in my chair looking out the window, feet up on the sill peacefully, quietly, happily as I contemplated what to do outside on a nice Sunday now that sun had come out.
A man comes racing around the corner of the condos on the hill. He drops his pants, crouches, lets out a very long groan and then appears to poo. Next, he strips off his shoes, socks, pants and stands there is a tshirt and baseball cap and wipes himself with his sock. Now, this is bizarre enough but I started to get a little wary when he stood there for 3-4 more minutes peeking suspiciously around the corner.
I admit, I got a little nervous. I called the police. But not after snapping many, many pictures to prove that I don't make this stuff up. And There was no reason why he had to bend over so many times with his back to me...there is also NO WAY he could have NOT known he was visible to everyone. The woods were like 15 feet away by the way.
The Arlington County dispatcher and I tried to not to giggle as I recounted my story (I didn't want to end up with my call on some website where they play funny 911 calls). They said the police were on their way. I immediately had remorse that I called. What did I think was going to happen?
As I waited I walked up the stairs to the hill and glanced in the direction of the "corner" and there was still a crumpled sock lying there in the distance. I was not going to go any closer and figure the police could do that part of the investigation so I went back inside. BUT THEN, the weirdest thing happened. Said stocky man, relieved of whatever burdens he was carrying around, turned the corner again. Fully dressed. He calmly walked to the "spot" and cleaned up after himself. Then calmly walked down the steps to the garbage and threw out the bag. Finally, calmly walked up the steps without a glance over his shoulder as if this was a perfectly normal Sunday afternoon activity.
The police showed up and I was embarrassed I called. I told him I only called cause it was weird that the guy was hanging around for so long after he was, er, done, but that I really didn't think there were any lingering issues...
I have 3 theories - (these condos only have one bathroom)
Theory #1. His plumbing was broken and this was a defcon 1 poo
(or would that be defon 5? Which is the more serious? I can never remember. Maybe Poo Red Alert if it was from the Deparment of Homeland Security's point of view. Or maybe it was just the poo to end all poos. Yes, I wanted to see how many times I can use the word poo ...I'm slowly forgetting this is on the world wide web and anyone can read this and judge me)
Theory #2. He had a new girlfriend over and was trying to not scare her off. What a gentleman.
Theory #3: Drug mule. That was credited to my sister.
When I saw him dawdling at the scene of the crime for so long, I was tempted to call out "hey buddy, how come you aren't housebroken yet?" But I have learned that people are crazy and it would be just my luck that he WAS in fact a drug mule and I had witnessed the, er..."delivery" of a pound of heroin and if he knew that I knew my murder headline would read "Woman killed by half naked man wearing a baseball cap". I decided to mind my own business.
Story #2. Jetta on the loose
530pm. A Friday in March. I am working away and hear a loud crash! Oh, I thought, some poor sucker just bashed into someone in my parking lot. I turn to look and see that the poor sucker is me and I am not even in my car. My car was parked, peacefully, quietly, happily in the lot. A jetta was now attached to the bumper.
Aside - I was new to this work from home thing. So I was still in sweatpants, a giant 1998 Colgate Shirt (why are all my shirts from Colgate XXL?) and no, er, bra. So I'm thinking the guy is going to drive off quickly so I slap on flipflops and run outside at breakneck speed, run to the drivers side window ready to yell and...there is no one in the drivers seat...huh?
Apparently he had left the car in neutral and it rolled into my car. I figured he'd be out in a few hours and he'd move it.
Tick tick. 8pm. Still there. Tick Tick. 11pm. Still there. Well, I thought, he will certainly get towed away since they prowl our lots nightly and treat even the most minor parking offense like a Hummer parked in a handicap spot in front of the white house blocking an ambulance.
830AM - still there. Now I have to call the police. Yes, two calls in a month. I am getting my tax dollars worth.
I politely explain there is not very much damage but that I needed the car to be moved so I could get out. And I didn't have anything to keep the jetta from rolling again cause it was in neutral.
My cheap silver Chevy wit hhe plastic bumber =1
nice new black jetta - 0 - Little silver dent
Police show up. Knock on the guys door and he runs out in PJs (ha, now you know how it feels) all sorts of embarrassed and moves his car as the police officer made fun of him.
I decided I am just going to sit here and peer out the window and dazzle the world with the happening of "The Arlington Condos" on my blog from now on.