Back to Lighthearted fun....

Ok, OKAY, I will stop with the political ranting. And go back to commenting on the ridiculousness of daily life.

I spent some time listing my condo for rent on a multiple sites (if someone wanted to make money they could start a service that lists rentals in more than one site at a time...ahem).

I decided to peruse the "Housing Wanted" section thinking maybe I'd find a suitable tenant.

What I found was a lot of people living in an alternate reality.

A composite of many ads:

"Looking for a 5bdr, 5 bath, gas stove, living room exactly 20'x 25', pale yellow paint, close to metro, walking distance to cool stuff, we have a 75 lb lovable pitbull who is almost house trained (he's a good boy!), smokers but just tobacco and pot, 2 year old triplets.

We are good people, just have some bad credit. Looking for a chance. Please don't call references, we are honest people.

Rent: Can only pay $800 a month or less.
God bless. "

Note for those of you not in DC you can pay almost $2000 for a 1 bdr near the metro that might be 900 sq feet. There is no such thing as cheap rent.

Ummm.....maybe I'll stay or sell...

Here are some actual ads for your reading pleasure....grammatical or spelling errors included:

"I have an unusual request. Im a just coming out and looking for a temp. room to rent, till my house is ready at the end of the year. Im in my forties, clean hardworking. Im also a nudist at heart and would like to have a place where i can be comfortable clothed or nude. Im a quiet easy going guy"

There was actually ANOTHER completely different ad for a nudist the day before...new DC trend? People can't afford clothes in a recession?

Next ad:
"Maybe, you'd like a LIVE-IN GUARD/CUSTODIAN or MANAGER for a property you have! Speak "passable" Spanish and have a chauffeur's license (with Security Clearance: CLEAR Driving, Police and Health Records included)! Prefer NO pets,and NO liquor stores, schools, houses of worship, etc. nearby because I LIKE QUIET and PRIVACY!"

#3
"Looking for a place to crash 2night possibility with a female.
hey 31 year old male construction worker looking for a room to rent in VA possibility with a female willing to do manual labor around the house the most money at this time i could pay is 400 monthly until i get a better paying job please contact me asap if interested i will be checking my email on every hour please no SPAM !! Drug FREE, Smoke FREE, i have no KIds, I have no PETS, I Do drink beer on the weekends occasionally"

I am confused - does he want to live with a female and he is willing to do manual labor or does he want to live with a female who has to be willing to be manual labor? Punctuation placement is such a vital and underutilized skill these days.

#4
"Ideally I'd love to be in contact with an individual looking to rent out a small area of there home. Someone that is nice that has a welcoming environment. Open communication is important as well, there isn't anything you can't communicate to me if we work together we can create a beautiful harmony built on honesty and respect."

I think people are confusing the personal ads with the housing ads. I don't need or want to like my tenant or have them like me - just pay my rent on time and don't trash my place. Honestly, I'd rent to the nudist if he'd cover my mortgage and promise to keep the blinds closed.

Speaking of the personal ads. There are some real winners there too:

"I am a fairly smart person and have collage under my belt"

"I recently won $20 in the DC lottery . We can order in some food, have some cocktails, my treat."

"I had to get this off of my chest ...I've been in dc for 3 years now and i run into nothing but big women who don't want to do nothing but eat or just chill."

I swear I did not make these up nor did I have to scour the ads to find these - they were all some of the most recently posted - sadly, these are typical.

If Craigslist is any indication of the quality of prospective tenants and men I am destined to stay single and live in this condo forever.

Oh my condo listing can be found here for people with good credit who want to live in harmony: http://shirlingtoncondo.weebly.com/